


Strider Stories

by TheEmbodimentOfKarma



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Doomed Timelines, Fluff and Crack, Gen, How do I give ownership to someone else I don’t have time to work on this, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Next time I’m actually going to plan out my fic, No Angst, Post-Canon, Probably going to be abandoned, SPOILERS ABOUND, Short, Swearing, Time Shenanigans, dave screws with people the fanfic, i'm terrible at sticking to a schedule i'm sorry, possible ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-22 09:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13760979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmbodimentOfKarma/pseuds/TheEmbodimentOfKarma
Summary: Dave tells Rose about his exploits in doomed timelines. (Updates inconsistently)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, and I’m a little rusty on the Homestuck plot (but I think we all are), so please excuse any OoC moments there may be : /

turntechGodhead began pestering tentacleTherapist

TG: hey rose  
TT: Yes, Dave?  
TG: did i ever tell you about the paradoxed timeline  
TT: The what?  
TG: clearly not  
TG: just listen up rose you will not regret this  
TG: so you know how i got bored sometimes during the game  
TG: and id go to doomed timelines to mess around with whatever and see what happened  
TG: well i had the greatest fucking idea one day  
TG: popped into a timeline where that version of you died before entering the game  
TG: pretty fucked up way to die too  
TG: stabbed herself  
TT: A suicide.  
TG: yeah  
TG: anyways she had her version of SBURB on her desk  
TG: so i took it and teleported over to johns house  
TG: their john  
TG: and i dropped it on his desk with a note while he was in the kitchen  
TG: it said to not use it yet  
TG: then i teleport back to roses house  
TG: hide the body and clean the room of blood  
TT: That sounded like if you were guilty of murder.  
TG: oh hell no  
TG: youre my sister im not just gonna kill you  
TT: That is certainly comfortable to hear.  
TT: Anyways, feel free to continue your story.  
TG: right anyways  
TG: i get on roses sburb account and message johns account  
TG: i say  
TG: “John, did you get the extra game? I had someone come over and drop it off. Don’t use it yet.”  
TT: I didn’t know you could use capital letters.  
TG: passive aggressive behavior will get you nowhere rose  
TT: It got me Kanaya’s heart. ;)  
TG: dammit rose  
TG: anyways  
TG: john messages me back after a short while  
TG: he goes  
TG: “alright, but you’re talking really cryptically... :B”  
TG: and then a bunch of boring shit happens  
TG: we get him his copy of the game and he sticks it into his computer  
TG: he gets his kernelsprite open and I say  
TG: “Alright, now throw the game into the kernelsprite.”  
TT: So, that was your big idea the whole time?  
TG: hey hey hey i havent gotten to the crazy part yet  
TG: im almost there  
TG: so john throws the game in  
TG: and its almost like  
TG: the entire world starts shaking  
TG: and then  
TG: it happens  
TT: What happens?  
TG: everything goes fucking trickster mode  
TG: you remember that sugar high state I was in at your wedding  
TG: after calliope gave me that giant lollipop  
TG: yeah i still have nightmares  
TG: and its like john unlocked this horrifying secret mode  
TG: that only happens when you fuck around with paradoxes  
TG: you have no idea how fast i got out of that timeline  
TG: holy SHIT was it horrifying  
TG: i had to physically fight to not go into super hyper positive sugar and rainbows mode  
TG: anyways id consider it one of my greatest accomplishments  
TT: ...  
TT: Well, we’ll have to talk about those nightmares, but the story was certainly interesting.  
TT: Speaking of Calliope, she wanted to ask about your upcoming birthday and what to get you.  
TG: how about i come over there myself  
TG: ill bring karkat along  
TG: he could use some fresh air  
TT: Alright. I’ll see you here!

turntechGodhead stopped pestering tentacleTherapist


	2. Well, It Was Going to Be a Oneshot...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose decides to ask Dave about more of his time shenanigans. Dave obliges.

tentacleTherapist began pestering turntechGodhead

TG: whats up  
TT: Well, I suppose I'll be honest. I was interested in your other stories.  
TG: about what  
TT: Do you remember when you told me the story about what you called the "paradoxed timeline"?  
TG: oh yeah that  
TG: i knew youd want to hear more of course  
TG: after all i am a master storyteller  
TG: my great powers have been called upon in an endeavor to reveal great temporal lore  
TG: hold up let me think of a good one  
TG: ...  
TG: got one  
TT: I'm ready to listen.  
TG: here we go hold on to your headband  
TG: the story begins with a young boy  
TG: he knows he is destined for something great  
TG: hes the coolest shit around  
TT: Is this your life story?  
TG: yeah  
TG: alright ill skip forward to the time shenanigans  
TG: but youre missing major plot here  
TG: okay so im really bored and i get an idea  
TG: i hop into a doomed timeline  
TG: weird thing is it looks pretty normal  
TG: not much changed from ours except for one thing  
TG: gamzee  
TT: I remember Gamzee. Wasn't he in some kind of relationship with Terezi?  
TG: yeah the clown guy  
TG: anyways in this timeline he never talked with me and something else drove him crazy  
TG: so the two of them are on the meteor  
TG: and i decide to have some fun  
TG: i dont actually change much this time i just put down a note that says  
TG: "come to terezis room ill meet you there"  
TG: then i go to doomed me and tell him  
TG: hey you should really go to terezis room  
TG: so everything goes as planned and the two meet up  
TG: im hidden behind a pile of stuffed dragons  
TG: and then doomed me and doomed gamzee start talking  
TG: and wow theyre hitting it off  
TG: im sitting there like im watching some kind of romcom  
TG: and thats when they start making out  
TG: holy shit im frozen there  
TT: You managed to stay silent through all of that? I'm impressed.  
TG: all i can say is i wish i had a camera on me  
TG: nepeta walks into the doorway and just  
TG: stares and grins  
TG: spots me behind the pile and shoots me a thumbs up  
TG: and like every cool guy i shoot one back  
TG: then she leaves and i go back to my timeline  
TG: im standing there  
TG: and i start laughing my ass off  
TG: karkat walks in and looks at me really strangely  
TG: i say you will never know what i saw  
TG: hes like "EVERY DAY, I'M CONVINCED MORE AND MORE THAT YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND. FUCK."  
TG: and out he goes shaking his head  
TG: the end  
TT: So, in summary, you set up an alternate version of you and Gamzee to fall in love with each other?  
TG: yeah  
TG: rose where are you  
TT: My apologies. I was incapacitated by a laughing fit. I can only imagine what that would have looked like.  
TT: We ought to write down all your stories and keep them in a book, if they're all as humorous as this.  
TG: you flatter me  
TG: so you got anything else to talk about  
TT: No, no, I think I've gotten my daily dose of humor.  
TT: I hope to hear from you again later.

tentacleTherapist stopped pestering turntechGodhead


	3. Dave Does a FavoUr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave gets a request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was hoping to upload this chapter last week, and then life fucked me over. Delightful.  
> Also, apologies to the very kind commenter who suggested I add color to my writing, because I actually have no clue how to work that in. Maybe once I get more experience. Anyways, this chapter's pretty short, but the next one will be lots longer, I swear. Onwards!

uranianUmbra began pestering turntechGodhead 

UU: dave? that's yoUr name, right?  
TG: yeah who told you  
UU: rose did! i haven't gotten much time to speak with yoU. i'm terribly sorry!  
TG: no problemo amigo  
TG: so whats up  
UU: rose told me that, sometimes, yoU tell her stories, and that she's started writing them down.  
UU: she showed me the ones yoU've told to her!  
UU: well, the two of them yoU've broUght Up...  
TG: wow are they really that interesting  
UU: they certainly are, don't doUbt yoUrself! ^u^  
TG: well thanks  
UU: ...  
UU: ...........  
TG: did you crash or something  
UU: no, no! i'm jUst a bit hesitant to ask...  
UU: coUld yoU do me a favoUr?  
TG: wait how does this relate to the stories rose wrote down  
UU: it does! it's more of a favoUr for rose, really...  
UU: is it possible for yoU to Use yoUr time powers to travel into doomed timelines, even after the game is over?  
TG: i mean i guess  
TG: i never lost any powers  
UU: oh, that's wonderfUl! thank yoU!  
TG: quick question  
TG: why do you need me to travel into a doomed timeline  
UU: sometimes, the residents of the carapace kingdom get restless...  
UU: so rose reads them books she writes! it's sUper dUper sweet!!!!!!!!!!! ~u~  
UU: anyways, i thoUght that yoU coUld help write a collection of stories for them to hear, with the plots coming from first hand experience!  
TG: alright im in just give me time to finish this pizza  
TG: strider out

uranianUmbra stopped pestering turntechGodhead


	4. 4U

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave sends a file. Calliope sends the same file.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that title is a 2-letter triple pun. No regrets.
> 
> Notes about this chapter: it's not written in Pesterchum style because this is one of the documents Dave typed out and sent to Calliope, which she extensively edited for punctuation, some word changes, and the unnecessary capitalization of all U's before forwarding to Rose. Why Dave made a second document? Probably in the name of irony. We don't really know. Calliope's still working on editing that one.

the great hero!!!!!!!!!!!  
a story written by dave strider, and edited by calliope! ^u^

once Upon a time, there was this kid named john, and he was really nerdy and shit. bUt, one day (his birthday, actUally), he got the hottest new game on the market's beta version as a gift from his friend, jade. at first glance, it looked like an average video game, bUt then he inserted the disc into his computer........... and all of a sUdden, meteors began to rain from the sky! the secret of the game was that the game was literally his life. he was in the game. anyways, he went throUgh the game's startUp procedUres and got into the actUal gameplay part.

john, however, qUickly fell into despair. "oh no!" he said. "everyone in the world is dead, and i'm jUst a kid! however will i beat this game and create a new Universe?" he fell to the groUnd, shaking his fist at the sky. "what cruel fate leaves a poor, pitifUl child alone, withoUt gUidance, to be attacked by evil monsters?"

as if by cUe, a figure began to slowly and dramatically descend from the sky. "fear not, john, for i will be yoUr gUide, as yoU somehow forgot to prototype yoUr kernelsprite with anything." john gasped. "how did you know my name?" he qUeried. "i know many things, john," said the mysterioUs figUre. "that's why i'm here to help yoU, becaUse yoU don't know those things. now, take my hand, and i will show yoU the way." 

"hell, no. that's gay as shit, dUde." 

"fair enoUgh," spoke the figUre, removing the cloak so he coUld actUally see for once. "my name is davidUs strideriUs the awesome. i am not an alternate version of yoUr online friend." john gave davidUs strideriUs the awesome a look that was akin to admiration. no, wait, that was confUsion and disappointment. "fine, okay," he said, shrUgging. "help me oUt here."

"no, yoU have to say it right."

"not happening, dave."

"yoU've gotta say, 'oh, great davidUs strideriUs the awesome, i call Upon yoUr services to show me the way to being cool.' jUst like that."

john sighed. "fine. oh, great davidUs strideriUs the awesome, i call Upon yoUr services to show me the way to being cool." davidUs strideriUs the awesome (editor's note: after this point, i'm jUst going to write his name as dave. no one wants to read "davidUs strideriUs the awesome" over and over.) grinned. "great, let's get started."

Using the coolest magic of all of paradox space, also known as godtier powers, dave flickered oUt of that mortal realm. when he retUrned, he was holding something incredible. it was a really cool sword with a golden and black hilt, and dave handed it to john. "here, have a cool sword. you can slice Up imps and shit with it." he grabbed john by the shoUlder and waved a hand towards the black void that is the mediUm. "anyways, yoUr dad got kidnapped, right? we shoUld probably go rescUe him."

continUed in the other file. (i don't know why he made another file for the rest of the story. i really don't.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I’ve come down with a case of writer’s block, so SS is going to have to wait.


End file.
